The Park Was Closed

​This morning wasn't supposed to be complicated.

The plan was simple.
Take Piper and Koda to the park.
Let Piper sniff.
Let Koda burn off some energy.
Come home feeling a little more regulated than when we left.
Instead, we arrived to a different reality.
Another reactive dog.
Lawn mowers running.
Noise.
Distractions.
A completely different environment than the one I had pictured in my head.
Nobody got quite what they came for.
Not the dogs.
Not me.
For a few minutes I could feel the frustration building.
Not because anything terrible had happened.
Because my expectations and reality had stopped matching.
And that's when it hit me.
A surprising amount of dysregulation comes from arguing with reality.
Not the big realities.
The small ones.
The everyday moments when life refuses to follow the script we wrote five minutes ago.
The park was supposed to be quiet.
The dogs were supposed to run.
The walk was supposed to help.
Instead, it became an exercise in adapting.
As we continued walking, another realization appeared.
The goal of the walk wasn't actually the park.
The goal was regulation.
And although the park didn't cooperate, the lesson still arrived.
The lesson was information.
I noticed my energy.
I noticed my frustration.
I noticed that I am not quite ready to add strength training back into my routine.
A year ago I might have ignored that information.
I might have pushed through.
Forced the workout.
Followed the plan because the plan existed.
Today I listened.
That's different.
That's regulation.
Sometimes success isn't getting what you wanted.
Sometimes success is gathering accurate information about where you actually are.
The park was closed.
The plan changed.
The dogs adapted.
I adapted.
And somehow that turned out to be the real purpose of the walk.
Not movement.
Not exercise.
Awareness.
That's not what I went looking for this morning.
But it might have been exactly what I needed.