Loose Gravel

I used to think healing was measured by time passed. Two years out should have meant I was
"farther along." But what I didn't understand was that most of that time was spent walking on loose gravel--moving yes, but without traction.
My nervous system was still in survival. There was motion, effort, awareness--but not regulation.
Real growth didn't begin until my body could actually receive it.
The shame comes from believing we should be further along--still continuing to chronically judge
ourselves, still expecting that time alone equals healing. That's the lie. It's not about the clock; it's
about the ground beneath your feet. Grounding = Regulation. 
Some of those early months felt like motion for motion's sake. I was stretching, learning, noticing,
and yet my nervous system had no safe landing. Each step forward could feel like forward... until my body said, not yet.
Sometimes, even technology feels like loose gravel. My desktop reaches out to Weebly--hoping for
connection--and gets ghosted. My phone, a few inches away, happily shakes hands and lets me
move forward. It's a funny little reminder that not every path is steady, and some things just need to find the right angle before they'll work.
Loose gravel doesn't mean failure. It means you're still moving, still noticing, still engaged. It means growth is happening quietly, under the surface, until the ground beneath you is solid enough to support it.
Regulation is not a reward for healing. Regulation is the starting line. It's the moment when you can finally absorb the growth you've been working for all along. And until that moment comes, you're not behind. You are exactly where you need to be.
So if you feel stuck, if you feel like time has passed and nothing has shifted, pause. Breathe. Feel
the truth of your journey. Loose gravel is still movement. Loose gravel is still progress. And the day you step onto solid ground, you'll know it--not because of a calendar, but because your body, your mind, and your heart will finally exhale.
(P.S. Laugh a little at Weebly. It's just being sassy.)